In many ways, divorce, by definition, is conflict. It’s the dissolution of a life and partnership that was supposed to be forever. However, for some, it is so much more than that. High-conflict divorce has become a term that is used more regularly in the mental health and pop culture setting to describe a divorce with more conflict than would be otherwise expected. If you are going through a divorce, especially a high-conflict divorce, you need the help and experience of a reputable Los Angeles divorce lawyer.
Martin Family Law Group provides uniquely personalized services that many larger firms cannot give. This is a vulnerable time in your life, and we will support you through it while developing legal strategies to help you achieve the best outcome.
Characteristics of High Conflict Divorce
A high-conflict divorce requires at least one high-conflict personality. In an LA Times article, divorce therapist Virginia Gilbert discusses what defines a high-conflict divorce. She defines a high-conflict divorce as one where the people stay psychologically and emotionally engaged throughout the process, and often years later. This entanglement prevents both parties from moving on.
The article goes on to explain that some characteristics of one or both parties in a high-conflict divorce are emotional volatility or instability. This is typically a result of the inability to regulate their feelings to engage in a logical conversation. One or both parties may try to continue engagement by picking fights or starting drama. While one person may instigate, the other party will typically continue the cycle of behavior by retaliating in some fashion.
Many times, a high-conflict divorce can feel like emotional warfare. It may include power plays from the other party, fighting over items that are sentimental to you but they never cared about before. They may seemingly go out of their way to make life more difficult for you, and you may become reactive to that behavior. These kinds of behaviors can often inspire a sense of chaos, anxiety, and guilt in the other person.
What High-Conflict Divorce is Not
Some mental health professionals consider many of the patterns of high-conflict divorce something more akin to post-divorce abuse. In a recent good therapy article, the author discusses the difference between high conflict and abusive behavior. One of the primary distinctions is power dynamic and mutual engagement. They identify high-conflict divorce as something that both parties participate in, while post-separation abuse relies more on a power differential. It should also be noted that domestic violence is not high conflict divorce. It is abuse, and if you are experiencing intimate partner violence, you should contact a domestic violence and restraining order attorney to help legally ensure your safety during proceedings.
Protecting Yourself in a High-Conflict Divorce
Some of the many things you may do to protect yourself in a high-conflict divorce can include keeping conversation minimal. Only discuss things that must be discussed and try to keep it objective and factual. Ensure you document any attempts to instigate you or continue the cycle of conflict. Finally, make sure you have an attorney to help mediate. When you have secured a divorce attorney, they can become the point of contact for anything involving the divorce, significantly minimizing your interaction. An attorney can be an integral part of navigating your spouse’s behaviors and providing evidence in court that will help you achieve the outcome you want.